Text-lationships

Hi, hello, good morning. Warning, this is a long one.

As a single lady in a big city, it is quite often you meet people who could be a potential date. Well, I retract that statement, I’m very picky, so allow me: As a single lady in a big city, every once in a while you meet someone with whom you might be willing to go on a date. And by ‘a,’ I mean one.

It seems as though I’m not typical for my age, as I hear so many stories about girls ‘just tryin’ to hook up’ when they go out.  I’m not that type to go and just peruse the bar scene for a quickie; I prefer to date and I’ve put up with my fair share of first dates and awkward interactions.

There are few things in dating by which all should abide. First let me start with the fact that most “dating rules” are just games; games we play to make sure we are not the one who is going to get hurt. For example, the “three-day” rule; where a guy gets your number and waits no less than three days until he contacts you. What a waste of time. I say, if you like someone go for it, let them know, be honest and open from the beginning – spread love. It’s about taking a risk and a willingness to get hurt and move on.

I think that chivalry is amazingly attractive — it should never die.  One guy I dated opened the car door for me EVERY single time we went to the car; I would never say it was a deal breaker if someone didn’t, but points gained. I also think guys should be a little old fashioned in their style of contact. In fact, in this day and age, people — more specifically guys — seem to think it’s okay to ask people out via text, tweet or facebook messages. I beg to differ.

There have been a few fellows that have reached out to me in the past few months via everything from facebook requests, pokes, and messages, texts, and emails. Where are the phone calls people? It would be one thing if these gentlemen were using facebook to get my phone number and then call, but as a primary means of communication? No, might as well ask me out using smoke signals. How informal and impersonal.

Since calling seems to be the way of the past, it will get you major points if you do. In fact, it will probably get you a date rather than being completely brushed off. I’ve been asked out over text and then wrote back, “why don’t you just call me.” Needless to say, that faux-relationship ended very quickly as the second date, again, was requested via text. Texting can be detrimental to an early couple’s dynamic. It sets a precedent — when we fight, are you going to text me about it? You want to hash out the details of our argument over a series of 160 character text messages and abbreviated words and sentences lacking punctuation? Are we going to decide to make it “official” by you requesting a “relationship” on facebook? Are you going to ask me to marry you over twitter? Ya, no, thanks.

For example, this person tried to have a serious emotional conversation with me via text after only two dates. It was a little too much for me to handle; if he really wanted to express some deep emotions, he should have picked up the phone. (blurred for privacy sake)

While texting, facebooking and tweeting are efficient and easy ways to communicate, calling requires more commitment, focus and thought. Part of the spark in dating someone is getting nervous, seeing their name pop up on your phone and feeling the excitement about hearing their voice or wondering what they are going to say.

My phone is sometimes my third hand and I do text a lot, I will admit, but solely for playful, flirtatious banter, and quick hellos — I don’t need my carpal tunnel to flare up so I can write you a long diatribe about how my day went or have a fight with you or a series of 100 texts.

Texting seems to combine the immediacy of a phone call with the convenience of an answering machine without the intimacy of either. The growing preference for texting has to do with its impersonal nature — it’s much easier to exchange texts than it is to talk. You don’t feel the same nervousness when sending a text message as you do when you call someone; it’s easier to say things over text than it is face to face or the phone, but in the end, you do feel the same sense of rejection when you don’t get a response. Seeing that “R” next to the bbm that hasn’t been responded to isn’t fun for anyone.

In all, texting is a great form of quick communication, even with someone you’ve been dating for a while. Gchat is a great form of killing time at work. Facebook is great for staying in touch with friends and I don’t have much of an opinion on twitter. But when it comes to dating, just call the girl. I often wonder if men have lost their sense of romance, or just their balls?

Now to give you some more examples, I pulled some texts.

In an attempt for privacy, I’ve scribbled out a few things out of these too, but below is an example of texts that I recently received. Unfortunately in the first text I had to blur a part that was misspelled twice. Twice.  Let’s say the word was Nashville – he would have spelled it “Nashvile” twice; proving to me that he, in fact, does not know how to spell the city’s name – a well known city. Don’t most phones have spell check on them these days? Also, if I obviously already was crushing on someone at the time, what would make you think I would go out or even consider going out with you. Maybe I’m not like most girls, but if I already have an active crush, there is no chance, sorry.

Next he wrote “it was great to meet me.” That was not an error. He used that line multiple times the night before. I got suckered in to giving him my phone number; I tried to give him my work cell but was too inebriated to remember the number, so I got screwed.

He didn’t get a response. Then there is example number two.

Plain and simple, with this fellow, there was just no chemistry. Perfectly nice and will make someone very happy someday, but I just did not feel any attraction there. After the first date, he texted a few days later and thus continued the downfall — this texting business.  Sorry [hopefully he doesn't read this].

Ouch.

Well in the end, all I’m saying is: learn to put the phone up to your ear — it makes a huge difference!

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